haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
