yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
