last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
