i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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