you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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