I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
