It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
