thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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