no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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