is your mom at the bar?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
