i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
