just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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