And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
