I think I am morally bankrupt
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
