my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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