new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
