you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize