I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize