Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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