FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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