you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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