Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
