i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize