this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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