Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
