Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
