the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
