SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
