Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
