I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
