The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
