haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
