I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
