i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
