then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
