Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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