I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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