We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize