Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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