Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
