You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
whose parrot is this?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
