I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
