i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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