4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
there is glitter all over my balls
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
