Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
