so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
