I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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