I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
