So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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