We're facebook friends in real life
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
