SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
