Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize