Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
