I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
