Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
