You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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