weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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