you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize