I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
