I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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