It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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