You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
