I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
