I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize