Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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