It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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