i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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