I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
