YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
