My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
