sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
