then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
