So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
