Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
